Where are you?
In a non slutty way
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
