i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Congratulations! We have a period
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