Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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