Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
