good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
