did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
