you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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