im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
