Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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