you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
