i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
