They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
