there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
