my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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