i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
