OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
and you fell through a lawn chair
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
