Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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