I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
