trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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