its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
