Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Drake has all the answers
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
