And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
