A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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