i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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