It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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