Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
