its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
