my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
