Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
