dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We have so much sex to catch up on
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
