I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
