So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
