so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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