I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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