Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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