Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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