Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
