im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
