Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?

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(813): View more from Florida

If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.

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(817): View more from Texas

just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now

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(585): View more from New York

In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?

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(574): View more from Indiana

its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?

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(+61): View more from Australia

He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.

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(817): View more from Texas

He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.

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(817): View more from Texas

Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on

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