I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
