so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
