i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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