i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
