I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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