I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
