I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
