Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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