and she was petting her beer can
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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