Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
