addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
