just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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